


you're not tom (you're one of them)

by Parfaiti



Series: it's inevitable (for us) [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Humor, I'm so sorry, One Shot, Plot Twist, Tom is an idiot, it's not what it seems at all, some nonexistent angst, this is all pure crack, this is horrible, very limited view in the first half, you will enjoy this i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22619389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parfaiti/pseuds/Parfaiti
Summary: Tom gets caught speaking parseltongue by Harry.Includes:some passive-aggressive roasting of Voldemort (by me)panicking Tom"trend" referencesANDsomething that you will dearly regret missing by skipping over this fic
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, maybe pre Harry Potter/Tom Riddle idk
Series: it's inevitable (for us) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627372
Comments: 36
Kudos: 307





	you're not tom (you're one of them)

**Author's Note:**

> so...  
> yeah. 
> 
> So this happened. I had a whole other story planned out for this title, too, but... I couldn't resist.
> 
> Welp, enjoy!?

Tom stared at his test scores. He’d gotten a question wrong. Again. How? He furrowed his brow, then pulled out his textbook, flipping to the section where the question focused on. 

Oh. He remembered now. He’d been studying in the library, but was sidetracked by a certain wild-haired boy at the corner of his vision.

_Another fail?_ Nagini clucked, as much as a snake could. _I told you, he’s not a worthy mat-_

_We’ve talked about this,_ Tom defended his frien- acquaintance to the snake curled inside his sleeves. _I get that he’s always distracting me from my studies with inessential things like tiktoks, but there’s not much drawbacks with letting him associate with me._

Nagini peered up at him, tilting her head. 

__

He was about to continue, but a soft squeak of the tiles of the floor alerted him to another presence in the room. Tom’d been so passionate about defending his fri- dammit, acquaintance, that he didn’t pay enough attention to his surroundings. 

__

__Harry Potter looked at him._ _

__

__

__Tom stopped breathing. Oh merlin, this was it._ _

__

__Harry would never talk to him, or look at him, or acknowledge him ever again, and now Tom would need to go into full-on angst mode, wear emo eyeliner, make up some fancy name that coincidentally meant something in french, shave off all his hair, create an army of inbred idiots, have failed magical plastic surgery and-_ _

__

_Take in oxygen,_ Nagini chided softly from her hiding spot under his sweater’s left sleeve. 

__

Tom wasn’t an idiot. Harry was a Gryffindor, had been so since that fateful day when the bloody Hat had called out Gryffindor (of _course_ the precious light Potter heir would) four years ago. Four years ago, when messy black hair and warm emerald eyes met styled brown hair and cold unfeeling eyes on a train heading off to a magical place, their mutual home. 

__

__Not to mention, his whole family and bloodline were Gryffindor too. Tom had heard about the bias and prejudice of James Potter frequently. He’d been quite the bully against Slytherins, according to his Head of House’s angry rants muttered under his breath._ _

__

Even worse was the other students. Harry had other friends, different friends. Friends that adored Harry and hated Tom and took Tom’s rightful Harry Time away from him. Friends that were _light_. Friends that deserved Harry. 

__

__Unlike Tom._ _

__

__“Please, Harry, I can explain, I-” Tom was blabbering. He had no idea what he was saying. All he knew was that he had to keep Harry here, that he couldn’t stand to have this be the last interaction between them ever._ _

__

“No, don’t,” Harry snarled, backing away. “I have the proof. What is there to _explain_?” 

__

__His face contorted with fury and something Tom couldn’t quite place. Maybe it was because he’d never seen Harry truly hate something. Oh merlin, Harry hated him, didn’t he?_ _

__

“I trusted you!” Harry screamed. “And all along… I should’ve known! _I should’ve known_!” 

__

__“I- it’s still me,” Tom pleaded, struggling to keep his composure. “I’m still Tom. This doesn’t make a difference between us, right?”_ _

__

Harry sneered, shaking his head. “Don’t you lie to me even more, not _now_. How dare you- No! Get away from me! You’re not Tom, you’re one of _them_!” Harry screeched, then closed his eyes, as if trying not to explode. 

__

__Tom took a deep breath, steadying his emotions._ _

__

It would be so easy to hate Harry now, to shun him for hating him when Tom _knew_ , he knew that it was going to happen anyways, others would always, _will_ always stab him in the back and leave him- and yet, he’d hurt Harry. Tom could see it in the tremble of his lips, the way his impossibly green eyes widened slightly more than usual. 

__

__“I never thought that you would-” Harry broke off._ _

__

__And then suddenly he was laughing._ _

__

__Tom blinked._ _

__

__He watched as Harry went nearly hysterical with laughter, sliding down and sitting on the floor, giggling. “Oh merlin, your expression-”_ _

__

__“You never told me you were a vsco girl!” Harry looked up, eyes glistening with mirth. “Vsco!Tom, is it? Where’s your hydroflask?”_ _

__

__Tom was very much confused and slightly offended as he tried to work out what nonsense Harry was spewing out._ _

__

__Disco girl? What was that? It sounded like one of those bands Lucius was fangirling over the other day. Or was it that one that Lucius had trained vigorously with a hundred pirouettes a day to join? Either way, Tom still had no idea what Harry was squealing about._ _

__

__“I bet- I bet,” Harry laughed, “that you have a whole stash of scrunchies hidden under your bed along with your shell necklaces.”_ _

__

__Tom snapped, not even caring about the tenuous tension leftover in his body from just a few minutes prior. “Care to fill me in, Harry?”_ _

__

“You- you didn’t notice that I was in the room, and then you went,” Harry paused for dramatic effect and to catch his breath. “You went all _sksksksksk_. That’s what vsco girls do! They sksksk!” 

__

__Tom stared blankly at Harry._ _

__

__“Harry,” Tom paused, feeling a migraine threaten to overwhelm him. “I’m not- I- I’m a parselmouth. I talk to snakes. What you heard was parseltongue.”_ _

__

__Harry blinked innocently. “Oh. Okay. Uh, is this supposed to be a surprised pikachu face moment, or?”_ _

__

__Tom scrutinized him deeply. “You’re not- you’re not upset or anything?”_ _

__

__“Why would I?” Harry wrinkled his nose. “That’s actually a pretty cool ability. I’d like to be able to talk to animals.”_ _

__

“But it means that I’m the Heir of Slytherin. I’m a dark wizard that will ultimately end up killing myself through idiocy and arrogance with some crappy idea of how to reach immortality. I’m _evil_ now.” 

__

__“Okay boomer,” Harry batted his words away. “House prejudice was so last decade.”_ _

__

-

__

__Tom smiled fondly (unwillingly, of course) as Harry cooed over Nagini._ _

__

_Maybe a suitable mate after all,_ Nagini concluded, cuddling up to Harry. 

__

__Wait, what?_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Really hoped that you all enjoyed that as much as I did,, hehe
> 
> The reason behind some of the sentence structure is bc this is from Tom's pov, so it gets slightly scattered when he's panicking haha
> 
> (first time writing tom pov-)
> 
> I adore comments <3


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